On Death

May 20, 2009

Death is a strange thing. I mean obviously it’s not terribly random; our cells are programmed to terminate at some point so we know it’s going to happen… But we never actually think about it happening, do we? It always seems so sudden — Yes I am aware that on occasion it is sudden, but I’m not talking about a car accident or a drive by or something that is not generally considered natural — and yet… it really should not be all that unexpected. People get old, and people die. This is a natural course of life and one you would think we’d be used to by now. But that’s not really how we work is it? We fight to prolong life constantly. Anti-aging cream, Bo-tox, vitamin supplements, artificial organs, heart lung machines… We refuse to accept the inevitable.

But that’s really not what I’m trying to go for here… I apologize, I tend to get side tracked.

What I’m trying to talk about is how we are always surprised by someone’s passing. It’s always a shock, like it never actually crossed our minds they could die, that they wouldn’t be there anymore. When my great grandmother died I felt… well a mix of a lot of things really. There was a lot of anger at my Mother who did not tell me my great grandmother was in the hospital, and maybe I’d like to say my last good-byes as her condition had been deteriorating rapidly. I wasn’t asked to help spread her ashes, nor was I ever really invited to the funeral. I found out by accident and confronted them. Amazing how that goes :P.

And now I put my anger aside.

For the past several years my Great Grandmother had not been in a good way. Despite being Jehova’s witness she never failed to send me $50 on my Birthday, and $50 at Christmas. NEVER. And still hadn’t forgotten to mail her cheques right up until she passed… however Birthday money had started to come three or four times a year (no, I didn’t cash the cheques) and she had forgotten my name almost completely. When I talked to her some times there was just this vague understanding that she knew who I was. I saw her at my cousin’s wedding — A good day for her praise the Lord — and while she looked beautiful in her white dress and her pearl necklace… I could see she was getting frail… But it never once crossed my mind that she’d die.

I mean, I knew she was getting older, I knew her diabetes was going to shorten her life and that her passing would probably be soon… I knew the players, I knew what was coming but it never crossed my mind it would happen.

I found out today that a friend, a mentor, and my first customer as a self employed business person passed away about a month ago. The last I had heard from him and his wife, they were in Mexico, enjoying their snowbird home and finally managing to get a real honest to goodness Internet connection set up. Also the cell phone company ripped them off again, could I help them sort that out?

They were — are — both amazing people. They were instrumental in getting my business off the ground through the encouragement they offered and the advice they gave. I was relatively shocked to receive the phone call this morning from his wife because I was under the impression they wouldn’t be back until late June early July. The news was jolting. She didn’t want to go into details over the phone, and even if she had I’m not sure if I’d feel terribly comfortable discussing what happened here. That’s not to say I don’t love and adore all 12 of my anonymous IP addresses, but there are some things I think it better not to discuss.

What I will ask is that you pray for his wife who survives him, and their newly engaged son. Pray that God would send down angels and have a hand on them during this time. For now I offer my own.

May God send a fleet of Angels on gilded wings to see you home safely.

That time of year

October 2, 2008

There is something truly surreal about this birthday – for lack of a better phrase – season for me. Normally I have this build up of excitement, of anticipation. See birthdays are perfect excuses for me to drag people out of their homes to go have some fun with me. I use it as a social tool because people feel obligated when it’s somebody’s birthday. It’s true. Think about it, how many times have you ignored someone because you don’t like hanging out with them that much? But when it’s their birthday you are obligated to go or you’ll forever be that douche bag that didn’t go to Phil’s birthday party… douche bag.
But for me, this year… I just don’t know. With large and rather drastic problems still looming in my family between my mother and I, I’m not sure I could get excited about it without feeling guilty. Last year had no major party, my ex-girlfriend’s family kind of surprised me with one, and I had a dinner with her. I did have a birthday dinner with my family, but that went to shit for a large variety of reasons.
I’ve normally had my brother around to get my excited about my birthday (that having been said last year he was late phoning me by a week) but now… meh. I want to. I want to use my birthday as an excuse to go out and do something crazy, but I just can’t seem to work it up. In fact, I’m kind of at a point where I’d like my birthday to go largely un-remarked. These are probably feelings of guilt left over from the happenings between myself and my parents during our last go around. I was made to feel extremely guilty for having a family that loved me and that I called family in return. Made to feel guilty for a lot of stuff actually, a lot of things that I didn’t really have control over, and I think my mother’s winning this round.

Scratch that. No way that bitch takes me out of the game. Let’s celebrate us a Birthday.

I’m Dying

September 24, 2008

Well not REALLY dying, but I have some flu they’ve given a name to that causes me to go partially blind when I vommit really hard. I went to the Doc yesterday, they gave me some pills, I slept for 9 hours. when I woke up I was drenched head to toe in my own sweat. Normally I wouldn’t complain about 9 hours sleep except I didn’t know I was going to sleep for 9 hours, I was only supposed to be there for about 45 minutes. Tremendous pain in the ASS.

Anyways. Still feel like crap today, but the shop might explode if I’m not here, or potentially people will break down the door screaming they want their computers right now. When it comes to computers, people do not understand that this stuff takes TIME. This crap doesn’t happen over night. No we can’t give you an accurate estimate as to how long it will take. Yes we will try to get it done as soon as possible. No we can’t bump your computer ahead of everyone elses. No I can’t help that you’re in a poker tournament on Friday.

<sigh>

House Warming on Friday. Here’s hoping I’m verticle for it 😛

OH HEY! My Landlord bagged an Elk last night! It’s her first ever elk so she was pretty excited. I’m going to have to brush up on my wild meat cooking apparently. That having been said I have no idea where she’s puting all this meat. As best as I’ve been made aware all we have is the tiny little fridge freezer. Maybe she’s got a cellar.

Or maybe she knows something we don’t know.

I think it is my Wireless card. I can’t say for certain at this point, but now that I’ve removed the thing my computer is suddenly very lively. Where as two hours ago I was afraid it might turn into another Hell Gate, much like Joel’s Hell Gate. That’s the nick name I gave his laptop.

It was a gate.

To Hell.

I’m pretty much moved into my new place (read: Half my shit still isn’t unpacked) and I have to say I’m pretty stoked to be in a place that is really my own. I’m grateful to the family that gave me a place to stay, God put them in my path not just to give me a roof over my head, but I’m glad to be somewhere paying rent and making home. To christen the place I bought a new book shelf, a new computer/work desk, and a dresser from the Sally Anne all for $100. I’m probably going to buy myself a decent office chair too, but that depends on how much money I make delivering pizzas tomorrow. And yes I am saving up for school, but I do kind of need this stuff.

I won’t lie, I’m probably going to splurge a bit on the chair though.

I will get you guys some pictures, but I need to re-install all of my photo software and I actually need to find the USB cable for my camera.

I also need to unpack, and this takes presidence over pretty well everything.

I start my new job on Monday, pretty stoked I gotta tell yah. Even more so since my managers at Wal-Mart begged me to stay, which lets me know that I really do have a pretty solid work ethic. I’m pretty proud of that.

For those among you that would lift a word up in prayer, please remember Chipmunk as she is starting to adjust to University life. It sounds like she’s enjoying herself, but a little extra help couldn’t hurt.

Big prayers to my Brother as he begins his new life with his new wife in his house on 3rd and trife…

Don’t worry, I’m dissapointed in myself.

Beware the Bear.

On Life and Consequences

August 25, 2008

… It has been a really long time since I have posted, and as best as I can figure there’s a lot of stuff you’ve missed.

Firstly, and this is in no particular order, Chipmunk and I are no longer dating. There are lots of reasons why, but most of them are personal and I’m really not wanting to get into them here; My life is an open book to you, but when it involves other people… well…. It’s not very fair to them is it?

I suppose actually that’s a bit hypocritical isn’t it? I’ve complained about other people on here… meh. It’s my Blog, and I don’t feel like going over it here. That’s the magic of being a writer, no one can make you write what you don’t want to.

Unless you’re Stephanie Meyer…[Insert retarded romance bit here]

I will say that the relationship ended about as amicably as it possibly could have, and I was the one who broke it off. I don’t regret the decission, I maintain it was the right thing to do, but I do regret that that’s what it had to come to. For all my ability as a futurist, I didn’t see this part coming.

My Brother got married. It was incredible. Him and Caos are so happy and I can’t express how happy I am for them. The wedding had it’s glitches, but the sheer magnitude of love everyone expressed throughout the cerimony and reception shadowed all of it (You’re right Bro, I really do have the best laugh). I got fairly close with Caos’ family as well while I was up for the wedding, turns out her younger brother’s a big photography nut, and her other brother shares my sense of humor along with the cousins (All Aboard the Fail Boat!).

Gaming has kind of fallen off. With a couple of us entering into a full time school schedule, one person leaving for school elsewhere, and another guy that nobody fucking likes… well we’re kind of tied for time. It was good though. I’ve made some really great friends and managed to get two jobs because of the people I’ve met. I pray that God keeps them in my path and that I might mean as much to them as they do to me.

Through random happenstance I discovered that I have become a leader, and that my Brother supports this and has no quams with moving asside for me to do my thing. At his Bachelor party / yearly camp out our next door neighbor campsite had some problems with a sevearly angry/drunk person. I wasn’t heroic or anything, no jumping into a fight, but I did jump in to handle the situation. I’ve never felt God’s presence in me like I felt it then. Got to lead me my Beyonders, and damn was that exciting.

I’m writing again, a full novel now. Of course I still haven’t written what comes before the novel… which… is bad. Well maybe not bad but it’s not good either. Ideas move through my head so quickly that if I don’t find time to get them written down my brain immediately jumps to the next thing… It happens.

I’ve also decided that I am in fact going to take a vacation this year. Two of them in fact. The first to see my Sisters in Calgary and Lethbridge so I can have some time with them (since they both came down here and tried to make time for me). The second will be to see my Brother and his wife on the coast. He needs him a visiting.

And lastly, I discovered I have a saved post regarding time travel. Gotta remember to finish that and post it. Looks pretty fun.

Well that’s it for me, I’ll see yah when I see yah

/Beware the Bear

Lollerskates

March 16, 2008

First TrySo I’ve just recently moved my computer out of my Girlfriend’s house and into my land-lord’s place. It’s not bad, nice to have Adrianna back to somewhere I can access her first thing or at the end of the day or whatever. Also gives her family some space, which they need right now.

Anyways, the actual reason for this entry is this:

First Try

I made this years ago (cripe I’m old) when I first took my computers course. I was so involved with Penny-Arcade, Something Positive, Homestar RunnerNuklearpower(my first web comic love) and the romanticized idea of just putting something out there, and having people read it, that I made a full website (which I might make available) and a web-comic.

I think the by and large story line for the comic was going to be semi political/pop-culture commentary acted out by sprites, mostly focusing around these two. Blades was going to do angry rants, and I think my ex was going to do art or something… not sure…

Of course, as with almost all things like this, it just kind of fell by the wayside and the people I was in it with kind of just lost interest like I did.

Meh. Something cool from my past. Enjoy.

Where We’re Headed Now.

January 25, 2008

Oh, we’re headed places, let me tell you.

So there’s a new feature that’s been added to WordPress that makes me all happy on the inside…

The free space available on WordPress has been updated to 3GB. WordPress is now officialy made of awesome sauce. That’s right, I said it.

I’m actually in class right now. Tee hee hee. I really love my class too. I get to crack jokes with a bunch of guys who are taking this course because they have to, which is also crossed with they need to pass it but don’t care enough to do that well. As a teacher this would annoy me, but as a fellow student, this is high gorramn hillarious.

My girlfriend liked the last half of her gift, which I finally managed to finish and give to her (It really sucks being kicked out of your house). She’s still annoyed with the cliff hanger fashion I write with however, but I’m excited to continue with it. I think that’s kidn of been symbiotic part of our relationship. She enjoys having something written for her, and I enjoy having someone who will ‘push’ a bit for some of my writing so I can keep up with it.

Spelling/Grammar (like Manor/Manner) is still a problem… more on the spelling side of things but meh. She’s volunteered to be my editor… a mistake that I will not give her time to regreat.

Well now that I have this space I’m obviously going to have to upload more pictures….. of course first I’ll need a camera… crap…. well atleast I can start on a layout. Now all I have to do is wait for them to offer CSS formatting for free :P… well it is only 14 bucks…. I’ll ponder this for a time.

/I’m Still Here

God Throws Sliders

January 18, 2008

It’s days like this when I realize that God does in fact play baseball and he has no problem with messing with your head. A slider is the most annoying throw in baseball, the reason being is that it has a habbit of ‘wiggling’. It goes a little right then goes left, and it rarely ever dips. And when it’s thrown, it looks just like a curve so the batter (assuming it’s a lefty VS righty or righty VS lefty) will take his swing. Then he gets screwed when he realizes a mite too late that it’s not going to dip to give him that ultimate home run, it’s going to screw his batting average for the night. God does this constantly.

It’s weird to have the guy who plays for you play ‘against’ you.

Student loans denied my application for funding. They feel my van is an $8000 asset that I should be able to get rid of immediately and thusly afford school and shelter and food… They are a heartless husk where good people once were. I guess it makes sense. People abusing the system and so on… I mean if I lived somewhere like Calgary, sure I could sell that van no problem… But this is a small town… I don’t know whether or not they get that or don’t care but… either way this is my situation.

I’m going to try and get to the bank soon enough to see if I can refinance the thing at an attrocious interest rate that will have me paying for it for another 5 or 6 years… but at an affordable rate :P.

We’ll see.

I discovered I work with a Christian lady. She is wonderful and will be praying for me. Please coninue to pray for Brandi’s Sister. She could use it.

– Beware the Bear.

It Happens

January 15, 2008

An update. shocking, I know.

Hopefully I’ll be getting into the full swing of this as time goes on. It’d be nice anyway. We’ll see.

… You know you’re a crappy blogger when you can’t remember what was in your last bloody post.

Okay, I’ve read my last couple posts so now I know where we left off. I have a place to stay now that isn’t my Girlfriend’s house. I am being housed by a couple of amazing people, and this again is a little showing of how God works. I never really knew this couple before. A few one time encounters and a hello when I had seen them at Church, but beyond that not much. Then the husband (We’ll call him “Chief Red”) and I teamed up for a conference we were both speaking at to organize some stuff for the kids at the conference. While this may only have lead to a friendship upgraded slightly from acquaintance; I got to know Chief Red, he got to know me and a seed was planted.

When things took a turn for the worst I asked Chief Red if I could perhaps rent a room. It was kind of out of my means, and I was ready to pass when Chief Red offered the room to me for whatever I could afford until I got back on my feet.

I owe big thanks to Chief Red.

..
.
Chiefly because he’s a nice guy! (Little pun there for Cucumber… not that he reads this thing).

So… outside of that… things are progressing nicely. The boat is still sailing and I’ve got a little more control over the steering (though I am trying to give that over to God) and less and less communication with Family V1.0. Family V2.3 has been mucho helpful and supportive and they continue to bring a smile to my face when I think about how kind and generous they’ve been to me.

But now, I think, it is time for me to move onto the portion of our show where I talk about what’s going on.

My job has mad a position for me in my department so I can get more hours in the week without incessant begging. I’m sure Auntie Tammy grew tired of her retarded nephew (One day at work I asked Tammy to rearrange one of my shifts for me and she did so to the eternal annoyance of Barry who couldn’t get her to do anything for him (mostly because he was notoriously lazy when I wasn’t around). He figured the reason for this was simple “You’re like the retarded nephew she never wanted”. I told this to ‘Auntie’ Tammy; she thought this was hilarious and readily agreed) whining all the time so I imagine that played into this whole thing.

That and I work bloody hard. Always favour the guy who busts his ass for you… this will pay off in the long run.

Class is going well save for our programming class which is off to a slow start because they ordered the wrong textbooks and installed the wrong program for us.

But such as life. That’s right. As. I don’t care if you think it should be is.

OH! I almost forgot! I saw an old friend of mine last night at work and I heard some sad news. Her sister has a brain tumor, and all attempts up to now to remove it surgically have met with failure. She’s getting ready for Chemotherapy but they family isn’t terribly confident that things will turn out for the better. For those of you that pray, if you could pray about this that would be great.

-I’m Still Standing

PS: I still want a Hot Dog.

My Girlfriend tried her hand at cooking today.

Not Kraft Dinner.

Real food. Incredible, I know. Guiness, and the CDC, wait on bated breath. It was pretty good actually. It had a kick to it.

The cooking process was….. interesting. Pleanty of things she didn’t know (e.g. Don’t throw the meat into the pan) and some things she did (e.g. washing vegetables is good!). I helped, a little more than I was supposed to, but I’m glad I did as it was a very stressful time for her.

We lived for those of you concerned… A few intestinal problems, but we’re still kicking.

Had my first Chem class, and I’m taking it with the Emperor’s Flower as it turns out so it’s not half bad… Except for this really Gorramn annoying kid who sits in front of us. He has thick glasses, talks in a weird voice, contridicts the teacher constantly, thinks he knows everything… and my lady says that he failed last year doing the same thing. She was actually very annoyed with him. You should see her. She’s looking for her Dad’s gun right now.

We shall call this man… Doctor Spanky.

Such as life I suppose…. I was called a know it all during my computers courses I suppose…. even given the nickname Wizard….. of course I did know pretty damn close to everything, so I had the crap to back it up. Hoorah.

Oh, and I won a Drumbstick (fancy frozen ice-cream cone) today because my Girlfriend, her sister, and another girl couldn’t push me into a wall. They whined, I gloated. Did a little MC Hammer dance too…. It was great. Like Mozzerella cheese is great.

Well that’s all I have to say for now. Not sure if updates will become more regular, but I’ll try… This was easier when I had a laptop…. Something I will consider for down the line.

I’m Still Standing.