Being Broke Sucks

April 7, 2009

So I tried to change my blog layout today only to discover that my subscription to the layout… thing expired and I’m not really in a position to renew. WordPress has many advantages and is really a great blogging tool with it’s easy to use interface, large web storage for media on the site… but it does have a semi major flaw in that I cannot actually edit the website unless I pay. However, if I pay to edit the website I actually can’t change the main components, just the RSS (colours of links, colours of the background, text size, etc.).

That was something I really enjoyed with my prior blog actually and I’m relatively perturbed that I can’t do it here. It was a great creative outlet for me. Being a programmer by trade I just really enjoyed the opportunity to put my skills to use, and when I have opportunities to integrate design with function… well that’s a big old Nerd-gasm for me.

Anyways, back to being broke.

I’m not entirely broke. Looks like I’ll have enough money to make bills this month, it’s just that I don’t have a lot of breathing room on that accord. Business has been picking up steadily but what I need to do is take some money and put some advertising in the paper… just… can’t afford to do that right now. It’s a conundrum to say the least. I’m not a particular fan of being broke (or close to it) as I am generous in nature, or so most people would note of me. And in all honesty, after spending most of last year in financial crisis, it was starting to feel good to be doing more than just treading water.

Guess that’s not God’s plan though.

That’s actually been a bit of a struggle for me. I think I’m just a little warn down from last year and the year before– Buying the van a month before losing my high paying tech job, being kicked out of my home, again, struggling to get my schooling done and to make enough money to pay my bills– when I got the job at the pizza place things started to look up. I kind of figured I’d be okay… but in all honesty I got comfortable. The thought had grazed the surface of consciousness once or twice, “Where is this all going?”, and then God came down and forced me to make a decision.

It does suck being broke, and it’s scary as all hell… But I’m ready. I’m ready to struggle, I’m ready to do this thing and to ride it out to the end.

I’m ready.

The Long Hard Road

April 2, 2009

So I got fired from my job recently. A less than thrilling ordeal that mostly involved being stabbed in the back. A couple months ago I tried to host a staff meeting so that way we could come up with ideas that might help turn the business around. Now the reason I was trying to host this staff meeting was the owner and manager (owner’s son) had no interest whatsoever in hosting a staff meeting; they simply didn’t want to pay for it. Fine.

At the end of the day I wasn’t sure if I should invite management, and then was advised by one of the assistant managers that it might mean more to the owner if it just came from staff. The staff initially sounded really stoked about the idea, but within a few days voices of decent arose; people were coming up with premptive excuses not to go, blah blah blah… So I called it off.

Well somehow the manager found out, and decided that I needed to be fired. Somebody squawked and he managed to find enough people to go along with him, ignoring other voices of decent. It happens.

So now I’m unemployed. I’m looking for work but of course the economy mostly dictates I’m not going to find it, or if I do it won’t likely have the hours I’ll need. So I’m relying mostly on my home business to see me through at this point. Not sure how that’s going to go, but there it is.

I’ve had to rely on faith a lot lately, which is a lot harder for me in desperate times than it is in good time oddly enough. It’s scary. I am scared. I don’t know what’s going to come of this, and I have no expectations. Just prayer. That’s all I have right now.

Of course, I know now that’s all I need. I was in Calgary the last few days and I got to see my sister, which was so great. On my way to her house I really screwed up my knee and it hurt like a son of a gun. I nearly fell two more times so I started praying that God would help me stay on my feet, and keep me safe. And God left me with a feeling of safety. There was this rush, an overwhelming feeling of safety, of something that was saying “I’m not going to let you fall. I will always be here. Wait on me.” and it was…. I needed it. I really needed it.

When I got home I was having trouble sleeping, as always, so I watched some TV and for the first time I really listened to that Honey Nut Cheerios commercial featuring “I Try” a Macy Grey cover by Ben Taylor. I downloaded the song and I’ve been listening to it almost non stop. I don’t know why, this has resonated with my relationship with God. I’ve felt closer, and it’s just reminded me more and more that God is by my side, and he has not, nor will he ever leave…

It feels good.

Anyway, not much else to say right now so I’m going to leave it as is.

I’ll catch you later.

17,781 Words Later

February 27, 2009

See, you might be under the impression that I’ve been lazy. That because I haven’t updated my blog in over a month (and a real update a month or so before that) that I have fallen behind in making sure to be putting my words to paper (or keyboard as it were… with some monitor thrown in there as well) but you would be wrong.

Instead I’ve been writing a novel.

That’s right. A fucking novel.

I’ve probably mentioned this before but in case I haven’t my sister, who is actually my ex-girlfriend’s sister, convinced me just before Christmas to actually get off my ass and publish something, especially since I had the manuscripts for two full novels in my house. Well the manuscripts were shit to say the least, but the ideas… now those… those were golden. I had actually managed to form quite the compelling story. Unfortunately I managed to bury it under mounds of horse shit. And by horse shit I mean really atrocious writing. Broken sentences, sentence fragments, using “the” when I meant “they” or “Him” (you’ve probably seen that a few times on here… but let me tell you how annoying it is for me to be re-reading this potential gem only to find “the road after they with haste unseen”).

It’s been going well. I have to say reading some pretty helpful writing tips from my all time favourite author Stephen King has been a big help. Now if I can manage to stop dipping into the world of the Gunslinger I’d be all set.

I really didn’t intend to. I had no idea that what I was writing all those years ago could be explained with “Gunslinger” and “Ka” (though my translation of the word Ka is slightly different…. for him it’s fate, for me it’s God’s whisper) it just kind of happened. Maybe it’s something I’ll work out, I might be able to come up with my own… thing, but for the time being I have made sure to credit him at the outset of my novel.

Hell even if I don’t manage to work it into my own thing, he at least deserves a fond thank you.

Outside of writing my novel thing are going fairly well. I’ve been having to make a lot of big decisions lately, and I’ve had some pretty heavy stuff dropped in my lap. It’s hard to think of where to pick up, and in all honesty I’m pretty bagged, so I’ll leave it at this and with  any luck I’ll get around to updating some time this yea- week.

/Beware The Bear
Quote:
Greg, after I got a standing ovation for my rendition of ‘Dancing Queen’ originally performed by ABBA officially upstaging him at the bar “You can be my wingman any time.”
Me: “Bullshit, you can be mine.”

Woah

March 14, 2008

Seriously, you guys need to check this out.

I realize that to many of you this is by and large useless, but this is something to take note of.

I’m not joking. This is right up there with dedication to a racehaving a dream, and poor translation.

I believe the guy is beyond right, I think he’s said the thing that is going to propel the world into the new age of technology and information. And yeah, maybe people have already been doing this, that he’s kind of just saying it after the fact… but this is the voice that has made it official. There was already a movement of people wanting to end racism, but one man gave them a voice and made it something beyond a handful of unorganized groups, he turned it into a movement.

The world had already started moving into a digital age, this guy has made the announcement.

I can’t wait to drive around in a hove car. 

OMGWTFINOHEARTCULTZ!

March 3, 2008

Yeah, when I named this blog and when I originaly came up with the idea of “The Beyonders” a sub story of the main story of Bear, I had no idea the name was also shared with some weird cult thing.

When I figured I’d check out my hits and the searches people used to find my blog… well… imagine my surprise. That’s like finidng out Charles Manson is your cousin.

Or that other guy with the thing

So I searched this problem I was having this morning, and of all the places to have the answer it was Wikipedia… And then something quite interesting happened… I noticed that the title of the page was “Your browser no longer supports paragraph spacing, just like your mom!”

I couldn’t even begin to make that up.

I suppose that’s the innate problem with the whole user generated/edited content bit; you’re bound to get a jackass editing it sooner or later. The page is fixed now of course, it generally gets edited to what it’s supposed to be shortly after it’s edited to something retarded (Mayonnaise is made by whipping raw sperm for 8 to 10 minutes).

On a further note the spacing thing was just a problem with the visual editor in WordPress, it wasn’t properly translating the enter key into an end “paragraph” or “break” tags.

Not that any of you likely noticed… actually last night I dreamed the 20 or so unique IP addresses I get actually commented for once. It was weird.

A good friend of mine Sugar Plume has pneumonia and is in the hospital currently. If you guys could pray for her I would really appreciate it.

On a Further note I have to friends with the nick name Sugar Plum…. One is male one is female.

Male:        Sugar Plum
Female:    Sugar Plume

And Gorramn do I hate this bloody keyboard!

I don’t know what’s up with the spacing on that last post, I honestly don’t. I was editing it and then when I saved it the spacing was gone.

I’ve tried to put it back twice now, but it’s not workin’ out.

I’ll figure it out another day. 

Welcome Home

February 20, 2008

When the Girlfriend is gone, the Bear will finaly re-decorate his website.

I’m not quite done yet, but I liked what I had done at this point enough to slap it up and call it something. Just beign able to edit the stylesheet is still somewhat annoying, but I forget how powerful the stylesheet can really be… And I do not want to learn how to code in friggen widgets so I’m happy to just stay here and play around with these pre-defined layouts to match what I want.

And yes, my Girlfriend is gone. She’s on vacation far and away with a family friend. It’s been interesting being here without her and this time apart has made me realize how we have come to define one another.

And as I talk to her on-line the only thing she bloody has to say is “you still cant see the s”. Thanks sparky.

What do you guys think?

Where We’re Headed Now.

January 25, 2008

Oh, we’re headed places, let me tell you.

So there’s a new feature that’s been added to WordPress that makes me all happy on the inside…

The free space available on WordPress has been updated to 3GB. WordPress is now officialy made of awesome sauce. That’s right, I said it.

I’m actually in class right now. Tee hee hee. I really love my class too. I get to crack jokes with a bunch of guys who are taking this course because they have to, which is also crossed with they need to pass it but don’t care enough to do that well. As a teacher this would annoy me, but as a fellow student, this is high gorramn hillarious.

My girlfriend liked the last half of her gift, which I finally managed to finish and give to her (It really sucks being kicked out of your house). She’s still annoyed with the cliff hanger fashion I write with however, but I’m excited to continue with it. I think that’s kidn of been symbiotic part of our relationship. She enjoys having something written for her, and I enjoy having someone who will ‘push’ a bit for some of my writing so I can keep up with it.

Spelling/Grammar (like Manor/Manner) is still a problem… more on the spelling side of things but meh. She’s volunteered to be my editor… a mistake that I will not give her time to regreat.

Well now that I have this space I’m obviously going to have to upload more pictures….. of course first I’ll need a camera… crap…. well atleast I can start on a layout. Now all I have to do is wait for them to offer CSS formatting for free :P… well it is only 14 bucks…. I’ll ponder this for a time.

/I’m Still Here

God Throws Sliders

January 18, 2008

It’s days like this when I realize that God does in fact play baseball and he has no problem with messing with your head. A slider is the most annoying throw in baseball, the reason being is that it has a habbit of ‘wiggling’. It goes a little right then goes left, and it rarely ever dips. And when it’s thrown, it looks just like a curve so the batter (assuming it’s a lefty VS righty or righty VS lefty) will take his swing. Then he gets screwed when he realizes a mite too late that it’s not going to dip to give him that ultimate home run, it’s going to screw his batting average for the night. God does this constantly.

It’s weird to have the guy who plays for you play ‘against’ you.

Student loans denied my application for funding. They feel my van is an $8000 asset that I should be able to get rid of immediately and thusly afford school and shelter and food… They are a heartless husk where good people once were. I guess it makes sense. People abusing the system and so on… I mean if I lived somewhere like Calgary, sure I could sell that van no problem… But this is a small town… I don’t know whether or not they get that or don’t care but… either way this is my situation.

I’m going to try and get to the bank soon enough to see if I can refinance the thing at an attrocious interest rate that will have me paying for it for another 5 or 6 years… but at an affordable rate :P.

We’ll see.

I discovered I work with a Christian lady. She is wonderful and will be praying for me. Please coninue to pray for Brandi’s Sister. She could use it.

– Beware the Bear.