Being Broke Sucks

April 7, 2009

So I tried to change my blog layout today only to discover that my subscription to the layout… thing expired and I’m not really in a position to renew. WordPress has many advantages and is really a great blogging tool with it’s easy to use interface, large web storage for media on the site… but it does have a semi major flaw in that I cannot actually edit the website unless I pay. However, if I pay to edit the website I actually can’t change the main components, just the RSS (colours of links, colours of the background, text size, etc.).

That was something I really enjoyed with my prior blog actually and I’m relatively perturbed that I can’t do it here. It was a great creative outlet for me. Being a programmer by trade I just really enjoyed the opportunity to put my skills to use, and when I have opportunities to integrate design with function… well that’s a big old Nerd-gasm for me.

Anyways, back to being broke.

I’m not entirely broke. Looks like I’ll have enough money to make bills this month, it’s just that I don’t have a lot of breathing room on that accord. Business has been picking up steadily but what I need to do is take some money and put some advertising in the paper… just… can’t afford to do that right now. It’s a conundrum to say the least. I’m not a particular fan of being broke (or close to it) as I am generous in nature, or so most people would note of me. And in all honesty, after spending most of last year in financial crisis, it was starting to feel good to be doing more than just treading water.

Guess that’s not God’s plan though.

That’s actually been a bit of a struggle for me. I think I’m just a little warn down from last year and the year before– Buying the van a month before losing my high paying tech job, being kicked out of my home, again, struggling to get my schooling done and to make enough money to pay my bills– when I got the job at the pizza place things started to look up. I kind of figured I’d be okay… but in all honesty I got comfortable. The thought had grazed the surface of consciousness once or twice, “Where is this all going?”, and then God came down and forced me to make a decision.

It does suck being broke, and it’s scary as all hell… But I’m ready. I’m ready to struggle, I’m ready to do this thing and to ride it out to the end.

I’m ready.

Advertisements

The land is hot and dry on my face, though I can’t seem to bring myself to open my eyes. it’s rought on my skin, and there’s more exposed than their should be. I think I’m missing most of my chest armor and my right sleeve. I try to remember what happened but all I can muster are quick pictures. A man, probably a wizard from the flame that seems to engulf but not burn him, is attacking us; The Beyonders. We’re locked in pitched battle and things aren’t going well. Our little time together shows clearly as we spend a fair portion of the fight tripping over one another.

Why were we fighting? I can’t remember. A sudden scent of sulfur wakes me from my lucid dream and causes me severe pain as I lurch up straining my already bruised and battered body. I see fire and brimstone; I see unearthly things; I see a wretched gate, the last thing holding this world from ours… I’ve gone beyond the veil, yet not in the direction I had figured I would go.

I’ve been summoned to the gates of Hell.

Real Blog Entry:

Will come later.