Ohana

January 2, 2008

Life is kind of funny. It’s amazing how little things fall together so nicely in just such a fashion that you go ‘woah’. Buying a Sleeping Bag rated for -15 weather for camping in the summertime was really stupid at the time… but then I became homeless. This is an example of course, because I haven’t become homeless. Instead quite an amazing thing has happened to me.

I have found a Family. My Girlfriend, who I cannot express enough love for (I love you!), talked to her parents some time before this whole thing became what it is and they decided that should I ever be removed from the house they would take care of me… And they have. I’ve had several meals, good people to unload on, and a sense of Ohana that I’ve never had before. Ever. I’ve never had the absolute knowledge that the roof I slept under was one that would in fact shelter me, and would not be pulled out from under my feet. I’ve never known for certain that the two people sleeping down the hall cared a great deal about me and would concern themselves with everything that’s happening, but also respect my opinion and my decision no matter what. I’ve never felt like it would be inconceivable to leave me behind, that I was not an inconvenience.

This past week or so has been… Incredible, but this word fails to describe just how amazing things have been. I will never, in all my years of living and writing and telling stories, be able to express in words what this has meant to me.

I love you guys, thanks… And for now that will have to do.

I don’t hate my family (Version 1.0), but I am done with that part of my life. They are not truly interested in being involved with me and probably never were. It’s not healthy for me to be there and it is time for me to go. Things probably won’t get much better, talking with my Girlfriend’s dad (a very wise and brilliant accountant) has brought me understanding of that (which is wonderful because all I had for that was a feeling of sadness) and with that understanding acceptance… And with that acceptance strength.

I’ve known all along that there are those who would stand by me, those who cared and loved me for exactly who I am and nothing more, but… Not so much that I allowed myself the strength they were offering. Being here has made me realize it’s not enough to offer a brother the help he needs to move his boulder up the hill. Some times you have to ask a brother to help you move your own. I’m learning this.

Albeit slowly but hey, what’ya want from me?

I know what I want from me. A hot dog. With Ketchup and Mustard and Relish…. ooooooh baby.

I’ve done what I can to adjust the sails, and I’ve found it much easier to do so with other people on the boat (and how much easier it is when you don’t have to twist their arms to get on the thing). I’m headed for uncharted waters though. There could be chop, or white caps, or rainbow trout… I really don’t know…

But I’m excited.

P.S. The Boat’s name is Laredo.

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