The title of this post comes from the party I had hear the other weekend. Sarah asked for an ‘h’ on the end of her name, so to annoy me so did other people. So when Jon asked I changed his name to “Ultra Gay”. It’s like tide, only there is more sperm involved and you’re left smelling like a summer breeze. And some bowel problems.

Among other things.

I realize it’s been a while and I don’t have an excuse. Kept saying “I should write something” and then never got around to doing it. My computer dying hasn’t helped that situation out much either I suppose.

That having been said I have two pretty exciting pieces of news. 1) I have purchased a new computer (the first in 6 years) and it was supposed to arrive today. Dell Customer service guys can suck my schlong. 2) I have started my own business.

You know what would suck? If some random stalker got my phone number from that……. there, now it’s blacked out. And no, my business card does not really say “OSTBear” on it. I’m a goof, not retarded.

I got tired of my previous employer ripping people off left right and center, got tired of computer stores treating customers like idiots, got tired of hearing people charged $50 just to be told the printer is broken. God has been puting this on my heart for a while. And I told him if he wanted me to, he just had to let me know. And he knows how angry I get when someone takes advantage of someone else… so I started on the path.

It’s scary, and awesome all rolled into one big ball.

A Green Ball. hehehe.

What, they can’t all be Ultra Gay .

There is one unfortunate hitch that I’ve run into, and that is my land lady is not paying her taxes. She pitched a fit about me starting my own business saying I couldn’t apply for the license because then the government might figure out she has people living here. Major problem.

Of course it doesn’t help we’re constantly butting heads over her Marijuana problem. Thankfully, all of her getting stoned has left her retarded and she’s not smart enough to realize she can just kick me out. Well… she can’t really. If she does without cause I’m pretty sure the RCMP would appreciate photos of her habbit, and the government would appreciate documentation of the people taking up residence here.

For those of you who don’t know me well enough, I’ll tell you something about me. NEVER go to war with me. EVER. I fight tooth and nail and even if I lose you won’t feel at all like you’ve won.

But hopefully I can get something soon. I NEED to get something soon. I need to get an add in the paper and start up my business, get the (green)ball rolling asap.

Anyways, I have to write something in Vana’Diel Tales as well so I’m going to head’er.

/Beware the Bear.

PS: For anyone who’s a Nickleback fan, check out their new CD. AWESOME SAUCE.

There is something truly surreal about this birthday – for lack of a better phrase – season for me. Normally I have this build up of excitement, of anticipation. See birthdays are perfect excuses for me to drag people out of their homes to go have some fun with me. I use it as a social tool because people feel obligated when it’s somebody’s birthday. It’s true. Think about it, how many times have you ignored someone because you don’t like hanging out with them that much? But when it’s their birthday you are obligated to go or you’ll forever be that douche bag that didn’t go to Phil’s birthday party… douche bag.
But for me, this year… I just don’t know. With large and rather drastic problems still looming in my family between my mother and I, I’m not sure I could get excited about it without feeling guilty. Last year had no major party, my ex-girlfriend’s family kind of surprised me with one, and I had a dinner with her. I did have a birthday dinner with my family, but that went to shit for a large variety of reasons.
I’ve normally had my brother around to get my excited about my birthday (that having been said last year he was late phoning me by a week) but now… meh. I want to. I want to use my birthday as an excuse to go out and do something crazy, but I just can’t seem to work it up. In fact, I’m kind of at a point where I’d like my birthday to go largely un-remarked. These are probably feelings of guilt left over from the happenings between myself and my parents during our last go around. I was made to feel extremely guilty for having a family that loved me and that I called family in return. Made to feel guilty for a lot of stuff actually, a lot of things that I didn’t really have control over, and I think my mother’s winning this round.

…

Scratch that. No way that bitch takes me out of the game. Let’s celebrate us a Birthday.

An update. shocking, I know.

Hopefully I’ll be getting into the full swing of this as time goes on. It’d be nice anyway. We’ll see.

… You know you’re a crappy blogger when you can’t remember what was in your last bloody post.

Okay, I’ve read my last couple posts so now I know where we left off. I have a place to stay now that isn’t my Girlfriend’s house. I am being housed by a couple of amazing people, and this again is a little showing of how God works. I never really knew this couple before. A few one time encounters and a hello when I had seen them at Church, but beyond that not much. Then the husband (We’ll call him “Chief Red”) and I teamed up for a conference we were both speaking at to organize some stuff for the kids at the conference. While this may only have lead to a friendship upgraded slightly from acquaintance; I got to know Chief Red, he got to know me and a seed was planted.

When things took a turn for the worst I asked Chief Red if I could perhaps rent a room. It was kind of out of my means, and I was ready to pass when Chief Red offered the room to me for whatever I could afford until I got back on my feet.

I owe big thanks to Chief Red.
…
..
.
Chiefly because he’s a nice guy! (Little pun there for Cucumber… not that he reads this thing).

So… outside of that… things are progressing nicely. The boat is still sailing and I’ve got a little more control over the steering (though I am trying to give that over to God) and less and less communication with Family V1.0. Family V2.3 has been mucho helpful and supportive and they continue to bring a smile to my face when I think about how kind and generous they’ve been to me.

But now, I think, it is time for me to move onto the portion of our show where I talk about what’s going on.

My job has mad a position for me in my department so I can get more hours in the week without incessant begging. I’m sure Auntie Tammy grew tired of her retarded nephew (One day at work I asked Tammy to rearrange one of my shifts for me and she did so to the eternal annoyance of Barry who couldn’t get her to do anything for him (mostly because he was notoriously lazy when I wasn’t around). He figured the reason for this was simple “You’re like the retarded nephew she never wanted”. I told this to ‘Auntie’ Tammy; she thought this was hilarious and readily agreed) whining all the time so I imagine that played into this whole thing.

That and I work bloody hard. Always favour the guy who busts his ass for you… this will pay off in the long run.

Class is going well save for our programming class which is off to a slow start because they ordered the wrong textbooks and installed the wrong program for us.

But such as life. That’s right. As. I don’t care if you think it should be is.

OH! I almost forgot! I saw an old friend of mine last night at work and I heard some sad news. Her sister has a brain tumor, and all attempts up to now to remove it surgically have met with failure. She’s getting ready for Chemotherapy but they family isn’t terribly confident that things will turn out for the better. For those of you that pray, if you could pray about this that would be great.

-I’m Still Standing

PS: I still want a Hot Dog.

Life is kind of funny. It’s amazing how little things fall together so nicely in just such a fashion that you go ‘woah’. Buying a Sleeping Bag rated for -15 weather for camping in the summertime was really stupid at the time… but then I became homeless. This is an example of course, because I haven’t become homeless. Instead quite an amazing thing has happened to me.

I have found a Family. My Girlfriend, who I cannot express enough love for (I love you!), talked to her parents some time before this whole thing became what it is and they decided that should I ever be removed from the house they would take care of me… And they have. I’ve had several meals, good people to unload on, and a sense of Ohana that I’ve never had before. Ever. I’ve never had the absolute knowledge that the roof I slept under was one that would in fact shelter me, and would not be pulled out from under my feet. I’ve never known for certain that the two people sleeping down the hall cared a great deal about me and would concern themselves with everything that’s happening, but also respect my opinion and my decision no matter what. I’ve never felt like it would be inconceivable to leave me behind, that I was not an inconvenience.

This past week or so has been… Incredible, but this word fails to describe just how amazing things have been. I will never, in all my years of living and writing and telling stories, be able to express in words what this has meant to me.

I love you guys, thanks… And for now that will have to do.

I don’t hate my family (Version 1.0), but I am done with that part of my life. They are not truly interested in being involved with me and probably never were. It’s not healthy for me to be there and it is time for me to go. Things probably won’t get much better, talking with my Girlfriend’s dad (a very wise and brilliant accountant) has brought me understanding of that (which is wonderful because all I had for that was a feeling of sadness) and with that understanding acceptance… And with that acceptance strength.

I’ve known all along that there are those who would stand by me, those who cared and loved me for exactly who I am and nothing more, but… Not so much that I allowed myself the strength they were offering. Being here has made me realize it’s not enough to offer a brother the help he needs to move his boulder up the hill. Some times you have to ask a brother to help you move your own. I’m learning this.

Albeit slowly but hey, what’ya want from me?

I know what I want from me. A hot dog. With Ketchup and Mustard and Relish…. ooooooh baby.

I’ve done what I can to adjust the sails, and I’ve found it much easier to do so with other people on the boat (and how much easier it is when you don’t have to twist their arms to get on the thing). I’m headed for uncharted waters though. There could be chop, or white caps, or rainbow trout… I really don’t know…

But I’m excited.

P.S. The Boat’s name is Laredo.

I’ve just been busy… VERY busy. Let’s start from the beginning shall we?

Or at least what I’ve decided is the beginning. That’s right, this is my blog.

I lost my job. Yes, my fancy computer job. I was laid off and I now work for minimum wage at a fast food place nights and grave yards so I can go to school this September. Of course this is not so much fun, as I have to work pretty well full time so I can afford things I put myself into debt for… like my vehicle.

And many of you are saying now “Retard, why did you put yourself in debt?”. And I answer with, “Up yours,” followed by, “Because I wanted a vehicle that wasn’t going to fall apart on me, so I purchased a nice van my parents were going to give back at the end of the lease. And I did this, because my previous boss said my job wasn’t going to disappear, that I had nothing to worry about, and everything would be fine.”

A week later and I’m given my walking papers. I mean, I was nervous at first, but my boss gave no real indication that anything was going sideways, then one day after being at a clients at 5 in the bloody morning till about 12, he just hands me my papers and tells me to turn in… well everything.

I’m left with several issues, most of which can be summed up in the word bills. Unfortunately, working a minimum wage job or even above minimum wage, wasn’t going to be enough to cover bills and save any money. I wanted to move with my Girlfriend when she moved for school, so this wasn’t suitable… However, in a moment of sheer genius (Read: What the F*** was I thinking?) I realized that if I went back to school, I could stop payments on student loans, I would get 200 odd dollars from the government because of some stuff with my mom, and working a minimum wage job for 30 hours a week would give me enough to pay bills, plus some for saving… And I could get more education.

Bachelors of Science in Computation to be exact. Which would give me more than enough education to say, start my own business… Mighty Wings Designs might find wings after all.

Unfortunately, this has left me working like crazy, doing pretty much all grave yards, and neglecting… well a lot. I was doing a big website project for a friend that has had to take a back seat, which has been a hard thing for me as I gave the man my word. My Girlfriend hasn’t seen me in forever, and we’ve had practically no time together. I’m doing the job I have now, plus some for saving for school… and I’m just generally tired. I really am worn down. I’m having trouble functioning on most levels, and my knee is killing me… and I’m stressed…. Which doesn’t happen that often.

<insert sigh here>

But I suppose there is one bright side to all of this, other than the fact I’ve FINALLY made an update to my blog…

I’m Still Standing.

I hope this message finds you well.

I write to you now from the vestage of my new home in this Wild West, and am glad that I may continue to do so.

You all mean so much to me, and I have decided that I will not deny myself the right to say what I think and what I feel, and it is here that I shall do so. Some times what I say will be private, but not to those of you I trust. Indeed this shall do for the time being until a more permanent and preffered home will come into being.

Fare thee well children of men, I will see you at the cross roads.